What is depression?

According to the Pschiatry.org, it is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Most of its common factors are life events, personality, environment, and genetics. Some of its symptoms include feeling worthless and guilty; loss of interest or pleasure in activities; difficulty thinking, concentrating and/or making decisions; and thoughts of death and suicide. Although it is treatable, some don’t survive.

depressionDepression is more than just a feeling of sadness or feeling down. Anyone can be depressed, anyone can be its victim, including me. Yes, I was battling with the situation for more than three years. Along with that I also struggled with suicidal thoughts. Nobody said it exists. Nobody said it can happen. What’s worst? Nobody explained how to get out of it. I fought the battle alone. And guess what? Yes, I won!

I noticed it the few months after I gave birth to my son. I didn’t seem to understand the real situation at first. The feeling was hard to understand and I was having a hard time controlling my temper. A little misunderstanding became the worst arguments and a little problem became the biggest one. And ‘sorry’ was never enough, always! There was even a time when I thought that the only way to stop all of the negativity in life is to be gone forever. Yes, there were times (like more than once) that I’d wanted to end my life. Jump out of the window from a hotel room, perhaps. Or get a knife and stab my own self. Or get poisoned. Even worst!

This illness got worst day by day. I couldn’t find a reason to be happy anymore. There was a strong feeling of being unwanted. Even worst because my dreams were becoming too impossible to reach, I thought. I got fat, even fatter. Saggy boobs, flabby tummy and I looked so ‘manang’. I couldn’t go out and socialize. Nobody seemed to like and understand me. I felt unloved. Everything was totally different from what it used to be. I was no longer the bubbly one. I was no longer my own self.

It’s quite unbelievable that it took me more than three years to get healed. Three years of feeling down and wanting to die? That’s tough, huh! But I survived. Do you want to know how I did it? There’s actually no secret to that. Everything is just about yourself and yourself alone. Talk to yourself, it sounds crazy but it helps. Be kind to yourself. Give time. Start your day every day with a big smile. Focus on the positive. In my case, my son really has helped me a lot. Whenever I feel down or wary with life, I think of him. Whenever I think my life has no purpose at all, I look at him. Prioritize your own happiness. Life is too short, might as well be happy!

If you know anyone (even you) suffering from depression, please feel free to message me. I’m no expert, but you can always talk to me. xo

 

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